Monday, September 20, 2010


[ Simulposted from Pareidolia ]

Christine O'Donnell's got one scary "O" face.

This one's an example of every reason I'll never vote for or support a Republican. The party continues to put up batshit insane right-wing fundie morons, racists, wild-eyed anti-abortionists, secessionist traitors, war-mongering empty suits, and rich assholes who don't want to pull their share of the tax load; and as long as they continue to cater to batshit insane right-wing fundie morons, racists, wild-eyed anti-abortionists, secessionist traitors, war-mongering empty suits, and rich assholes who don't want to pull their share of the tax load, they can get stuffed. The party's "politics" have devolved into things the government shouldn't be getting into at any level--gay marriage, religious crap in publicly-funded schools, abortion, Teri Schiavo. It's all about hot-button things to scare people into voting Red. PANIC! Commies under your bed! PANIC!! Look at those hippies! PANIC!!! Muslims! PANIC!!!! ATHEISTS!!!!!!! AUGH!!!!

Are you panicking yet?!

Sorry pricks.

Honestly, I thought President Fratboy was the bottom of the barrel, the worst the Goposaurs could manage. Damned if they didn't move the barrel bottom down a few feet when they found Sarah "Caribou Barbie" Palin. Then all hell broke loose--and the cesspool of Republican offerings has only gotten deeper--and this O'Donnell critter is the new bottom. Mice with human brains?! She wouldn't lie to Hitler to save Anne Frank?!

Funny how in that video she supposedly hates, hates, hates dishonesty--but she's been caught out lying--and brilliantly called out on it by this guy.

It took men like Lincoln to make the Republican Party mean something. It's taken right-wing idiots a few decades to shred the party and piss all over Lincoln's legacy while trying to dress themselves up to look like him. The teabaggers are simply finishing the demolition that began in the mid-1960's, when racist pricks abandoned the Democrats in the wake of Johnson's signing the Civil Rights Act into law.

The Party of Lincoln? Nope. The Party of O'Donnell.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Kookistan Freakout over...Oval Office Rug?

Seriously, yes.

My, my, those little short-bus folks on the wingnut fringe never seem to wear their helmets. No, they bump their heads together and find some new thing to scare each other with about the Kenyan Socialist Muslim Nazi anti-Christ black guy in the White House.

Now he's really done it.

Nobel Peace Prize Winner President Barack Obama has really done it.

He's redecorated the Oval Office. In BEIGE.

Looks nice, really--lightens up the room, the furniture looks comfortable.

But that's not IT--not the criminal act that the idiots in Kookistan are slavering over.

Nope. Nobel Peace Prize Winner President Barack Obama has...misquoted someone on his Presidential Rug. The rug has quotes from Abe Lincoln, both Roosevelts (Ted & Frank), Kennedy, and one from Martin Luther King.

That's the one that's got the Kookistanis wound up.

The MLK quote--"The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice."--is an Obama favorite; King used it frequently himself, but he was knowingly quoting Theodore Parker, an abolitionist who died in 1860. It could easily be that Obama wasn't aware of the true source of the quote. He's human. *shrug*

But the Kookistanis are in full shriek mode, like the little retards Palin-Americans they are:

God forgive me for thinking this, but Theodore Parker was a white man. Obama would rather the quote was from Martin Luther King, and he has demonstrated often enough that if you repeat a falsehood over and over, people will believe it.

RebeccaH on September 5, 2010 at 1:22 PM

Amazing how there's no irony in Kookistan, where falsehoods get repeated over and over, such as the birth certificate thing, the Kenyan thing, the Socialist thing, the Nazi thing.

Remaining true to form, once again Obama fails to get it right. According to the “peter principle” our fearless leader gained his level of incompetence upon his birth.

Wills on September 5, 2010 at 7:10 AM

Obama's "incompetent"? Heckuva job, Wills. Mission Accomplished.

Then there's this full-on meltdown:

If I was POTUS, instead of FDR and Kennedy, I would have quotes from Thomas Jefferson(Obamalinsky really hates him)George Washington, John Adams, Barry Goldwater, Ronald Reagan and GWB. I would also run an anti-Communist cleansing of the government that would make Sen. Joe McCarthy look like a Boy Scout.

Let’s just say my administration would be 180 degrees from Comrade Obamalinsky’s. An American for America in other words.

adamsmith on September 5, 2010 at 1:00 PM

"Obamalinsky." Weak.

There really needs to be an enforced helmet law in Kookistan. Sooner or later one of the the little darlings is gonna hurt himself.

Meanwhile, over at Daily Kos, one diarist looks at all the fuss, both from the Washington Post's Op-Ed writer and the waterhead wingnuts and calls 'em out:
If those exact words had been attributed to Mr. Theodore Parker, that would have been a mistake, because Mr. Parker never said them. King on the other hand did say them, on many, many occasions.

So, we have two levels of FAIL for Ms. Stiehm. She alleges that the quote is falsely attributed to Dr. King. She is wrong. Martin Luther King is the correct source for the words as they appear on the Oval Office rug. But even if she were correct that the quote was falsely attributed to King, her allegation that the "rug got it wrong" also fails, given that the rug itself does not attribute the quote to anyone.

Even long before the Kookistanis get on the soup-can-and-string network and spread the word about this new evil in the White House?

Saturday, May 15, 2010

War Crimes equal Votes!

No, it's no surprise these clowns are running as Republicans, let alone that they're PROUD of the crimes they committed--and which ended their military careers.

Who cares about something like that when there are VOTES to be garnered? "Look at me, I'm gonna be tough on TERRISTS just like Jack Bauer!"

Jerk the First: Ilario Pantano is running for a seat in North Carolina 7th District, challenging Dem incumbent Mike McIntyre. In April of 2004 Mr. War Hero filled a couple of unarmed prisoners with 50 to 60 rounds. Fifty to sixty. He reloaded, boom boom. Says it was freaking SELF DEFENSE. Afterward, he put up a sign with the Marines' slogan to warn the locals: "No Better Friend, No Worse Enemy."

Nice. The wingnuts love him. They were his ardent defenders when the Army charged him with premeditated murder. The case against him was dropped in 2005 because (among other things) a witness' testimony couldn't be corroborated.

Meanwhile, Dick is so proud of himself, he's made the incident the core of his Look-At-ME!! book, titled "No Better Friend, No Worse Enemy" (creative, huh?). The wingnuts adore him. I bet Michelle "Crazy Eyes" Malkin grows weak in the knees with desire for him.

Oh, well. At least he's got actual military service, unlike ex-President "Mission Accomplished!" Fratboy.

The good news is that an actual veteran--Will Breazeale, who was Pantano's opponent in the primaries--isn't going to stop hammering home the fact that Joey Pants is kind of a douche.

Clown the Second is Allen West, whom Sarah "Caribou Barbie" Palin thinks is just peachy keen. He's running in Florida's 22nd against Democrat Ron Klein.

West was forced to resign from the Army (Lt. Colonel) & fined $5,000 for his part in a beating harsh interrogation. The man was an Iraqi cop whom West had decided knew something about an upcoming ambush. West's men did the beating asked the questions. West decided things weren't moving quickly enough and fired his gun past the man's head to scare the truth out of him. The wingnuts adore him, too.

No ambush plot was ever uncovered (there were actual investigations by actual investigators), but West probably rationalizes the matter--"I disrupted the plot and saved lots of lives!! I'm Jack Bauer!!!!1!" The wingnuts don't care about such things. He's a freaking HERO.

Yeah. In a similar vein, if I don't pass gas at least once a day, aliens will come down and destroy the world. The only proof that matters is that this has not happened.

West says he sacrificed his military career for the lives of his men. I'd say that if any of them are still serving in Iraq or Afghanistan, they're much safer without this prick in command. Here's hoping that Florida's 22nd District will keep their mildly-Democratic standing.

This little rant is only a summary; there's so much more rant-worthy material at the Daily Beasts' page about the two wingnuts.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Oil Kooks!

Something quick and easy to try to get back into writing about kooks. The database rebuild continues, the Illuminati continue to make my piece-of-crap computer crash at random, and I still hate computers.

But we're here to discuss the oil kooks who are weighing in on the recent fire and explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico.

From the far, far teabaggin' right, there's this guy, known only as "Voice" who gives us a laundry list of other conspiracies on Obama's watch as links in a nefarious chain of evil that lead to Obama needing to sabotage the oil rig!
4. NOW…there was a need for domestic OIL drilling. OBAMA had given his conclusion that some domestic OIL drilling was good for everybody. There was a backlash…in the OBAMA corner…and…it was so bad…OBAMA needed a disaster in the OIL INDUSTRY. And right on schedule…BOOM…OIL RIG in Gulf on fire and nobody KNOWS HOW it happened. It was an OIL RIG the government had issued some ‘REPAIR AND REPLACE’ directives…just…as they had done at that specific MINE.

WHAT IF…what if…OBAMA has a BLACK OPS TEAM. Certainly BUSH refused to use it as brazenly as OBAMA. Yet…the stakes are too high now. Might i very well be that OBAMA has elected to deploy the BLACKS OPS TEAMS? OBAMA is trying to impose his NANNY STATE because the opposition is growing. He knows he must secure all entitlement programs and control over as much industry before November of 2010 and November of 2012. He knows the PEOPLE are becoming aware of the YOKE AND CHOKE AGENDA of OBAMA and his vermin Hun-horde in Congress and elsewhere.
Plenty more spittle-spewin' kookness at the link! I made sure to save a copy of the page just in case those BLACK OPS TEAMS get ahold of him and send him to Gitmo. He might want to pack a suitcase. He's probably too close to THE TRUTH, since Obama's sending SWAT teams out as part of his Commie Muslim Government takeover!

Still, there's a different theory in the kookosphere that dictates a US Government blackout on The TRUTH!!!! See, Obama's BLACK OPS TEAMS didn't do it. It was the North Koreans! See, the North Koreans sailed a "cargo ship" out of "Cuba's" "Havana Harbor," out into the "Gulf of Mexico," where it dropped a super-secret "mini submarine," which "sailed" to the oil platform, "released" a pair of "incendiary torpedoes" to "set it on fire," then waited a "few days" before "sailing" under the platform and "blowing themselves the fark up." Yeah, we used a lot of scare quotes. We're simply trying to convey the appropriate amount of fear.

Why'd the North Koreans blow the platform up? Why, because it was built by SOUTH Korea. Since they're technically still at war (the South didn't sign the 1953 Armistice), this was a major coup in the ongoing battle, Komerade!

I especially dig the details in this one. Where the first guy relies on SCARY UPPER-CASE WORDS, the second tells us what make and model the sub was, what its range was, and even the military unit of those elite suicide snipers. You might ask why the 17th Sniper Corps were operating a super-secret sub.

COME ON, don't be naiive. NO ONE would expect snipers on a submarine! It's an utterly brilliant military tactic.

Besides, this information comes from Sorcha Faal, so it must be true!

Still...I wouldn't wanna be Mary Landrieu right now. Six months ago, the Senator from Louisiana--pallin' around with a BP suit, said that drillin' in the Gulf is perfectly safe! No one knew about the North Koreans.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

We're still offline.

Because of an epic computer crash caused, no doubt, by the Illuminati in retribution for my mockery, or maybe some chaff from a crop circle that got into the hard drive.

I had almost 600 names and organizations in a spreadsheet, a bunch of stuff collected...I'm rebuilding in between reinstalling stuff on the damn computer and sitting on my can.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

The First Rule of Fight Ministry... to beat the hell out of each other to show how much ya luuuuurve Juh-HEEEzus!

See, that doesn't scan the way the Fight Club rules do. Too clumsy, like all the other attempts by religidiots to break into mainstream stuff so that they, too, will seem cool and edgy. Think "hard rock"...then think "Creed."

Metal? Stryper.

They've even tried the Death Metal scene, for fark's sake.

They could suck the cool out of a glacier. That's what's causing Global Warming!

Now, old Jimmy "Fun Lovin' " Dobson's son Ryan and others are running Extreme Martial Arts clubs in parallel with the more mundane religion schtick. They say it's intended to inject "machismo" into the apparently otherwise girly-man church scene. They're using it for outreach.

Gives me a mental image of some hard-core pricks roughing people up: "Hey. Come to my church or I'll kick your effin' ass."

I guess it'd be a logical step up from what the preacher wannabe's from Pensacola Christian College do, hanging out in front of the gay clubs downtown in search

How to Smack a Fundie Kook

Make a movie about him like Chris Rodda has.

The fundie kook in question is David Barton, a wingnut asshat who claims America is a "Christian Nation (tm)" and calls for a "return" to the fundamentalism of the Founding Fathers.

Rodda gave the revisionist a copy of his book, Liars For Jesus: The Religious Right's Alternate Version of American History (awesome title!); Barton went on his own radio show and lied about Rodda and the encounter.

Yeah, I know it's unbelieveable--a lying rightie?! GTFOH!

Plenty of GOPtards have hitched themselves to Barton's wagon; Bobby "No, I'm not running for President" Jindal (the governor of Louisiana), Michelle "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann (Minnesota) and Newt "You go with the wife you want, not with the wife you have" Gingrich are just a few such goofballs who need to be booted and banned from ever holding public office again.

Chris Rodda's got the story and installments of his movie at the link above.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

David Icke, Uberkook (pt. 2)

Sorry, Kook Fans, for neglecting this blog--but if kookdom is a cesspool of anti-intellectualism, my attempts amount to using a little beach shovel to take samples.

Had to put this up, though, because David Icke's name came up in a quick Google search I was doing. I put "Boxcar Willie reptillian" in and let fly.

This was the first link to come up: LIST OF FAMOUS SATANISTS, PEDOPHILES, AND MIND CONTROLLERS by David Icke. The site itself has some kook promise--and though the page itself is about 10 years out of date, it's still good for a laugh:

William F. Buckley Jr: Head of the elite JANUS mind control operation based at NATO headquarters in Belgium which trains mind-controlled psychic assassins; child killer, Satanist, shape-shifter

George Bush: US President and Vice President, head of the CIA, and a stream of other leading roles in the Illuminati. Satanist, mind controller, torturer of children and adults, pedophile, shape-shifting reptilian, and major drug runner. Serial killer. Nice man.

George W. Bush, Jr. - front-runner to be next President of the United States. Son of his father.

Henry Kissinger, former Secretary of State under Richard Nixon, and one of the Illuminati's foremost master minds of the agenda. Satanist, mind controller, child torturer, creator of wars of mass murder and destruction. Shape-shifter. Works closely with the UK's Lord Carrington.

Dick Cheney, Defense Secretary under President Bush. Satanist, torturer of children and adults. Mind controller.

Boxcar Willie, country music singer. Satanist, pedophile.

Bob Hope "comedian". Life-time asset of British Intelligence, mind-controlled slave handler, and manipulator of the "entertainment industry" on behalf of the Illuminati. The "Rat Pack", including Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Junior, and Dean Martin were all heavily involved with Hope and others in the same line of work.

Billy Graham, "Christian" hero who has been funded from the start by the top Illuminati families and operatives like the Rockefellers and newspaper tycoon, William Randolph Hearst. Satanist, involved in mind control projects, close friend of Bush and Kissinger. Bloodline of the Satanic Illuminati Frank family which created the Satanic movement known as Frankism.

Adolf Hitler, Nazi leader in Germany. Rothschild bloodline. Satanist.

There were more, but these are the good ones. And who the hell knew that Fratboy was the son of his father?

Friday, February 5, 2010

Are they done striking yet?

Back on January 20--the first anniversary of Nobel Peace Prize Winner President Obama's inauguration--all the teabaggers in the world were supposed to go on strike, intending to demolish all the Democrat-supporting companies, crushing them, rending them, and standing in front of their shops with poorly-spelled protest signs.

Yes, McDonald's, Burger King, and Taco Bell would be brought to their knees, deprived of their nighttime cleanup crews.

Wal-Mart would grind to a halt, sans greeters.

Drivers across the nation would briefly breathe easier, without a bunch of stupid blue-hairs and old farts holding things up in the passing lane or pulling into traffic without looking where they're going.

So what happened?

Nothing. Not a damn thing:

Now that the day of the strike has come, the tea partiers are nowhere to be seen. The website devoted to the project is full of questions from confused would-be strikers, and the organizer of the protest has disconnected his phone.

I spent the day dodging geriatric conservative morons just like always. Normally the 'baggers congregate in front of the local ABC-TV affiliate studios, since that's about the only way to get TeeVee coverage of their otherwise pathetic bids for attention.

Oh, well. There's always April 15th--that's the teabaggers' Halloween.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Followup: Birthers at Work!

Back on Nov. 20, 2009, we copied a Birther email in which the author claimed that on Jan. 26, 2010, there was going to be an "expedited trial" to determine Nobel Peace Prize Winner President Obama's eligability to hold the presidency.

Color us amazed: no trial occurred.

We knew it wouldn't, anyway, given that they were claiming that Judge David Carter was blah blah blah, when a simple Google hunt turned up a Snopes page quoting him saying the opposite of everything they claimed.

That Black Man is still in the White House! Spiffy.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Kook Quickie: The Lennon Conspiracy!

Who knew? The CIA was behind John Lennon's death:

Mark David Chapman was not interested in the Beatles. He lived in luxury in Hawaii with no visible means of support, spending his time buying expensive paintings. The US government to him to Beirut. The day before he hunted down Lennon he had a long meeting with the FBI in Detroit. After he shot Lennon in front of the Dakota, he froze, took out "Catcher in the Rye" by JD Salinger, and started to hypnotically rock back and forth reading the book compulsively, even though there was a subway entrance 10 feet away, and the human thing to do is to flee after committing a crime. His psychologist was the same guy controlling Sirhan Sirhan. Yoko Ono says that "They" killed John Lennon, not "He" killed John Lennon.

This, from an alt.atheism newsgroup "regular" who is known for his elaborate takes on September 11, the moon landings, alien's recently come to his attention that a pair of proper group regulars are in fact paid government plants:

to secretly infiltrate “chat rooms, online social networks, or even real-space groups” by using ostensibly “independent” credible voices, who are actually secretly in the pay of the government, to counter “conspiracy theorists” such as the 9/11 Truth movement and other “extremist” groups. They dub this program “cognitive infiltration.”

...because they have the nerve to disagree with him. Guess I'm Part Of It too, now that I've smirked at him here. Where's my paycheck, Mr. Obama?

Hero #3: Bill Gates. In your FACE, Typhoid Jenny!

As much as we all love, love, LOVE to hate Bill Gates, damning his name during the ritual of reinstalling various Windows versions and all our stuff, the Redmond Baron has done something damn cool.

He's made a $10 billion-with-a-b vaccine pledge via the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. The plan is to come up with new vaccine research and make them available to the poorest countries.

The Foundation's been putting more than $4.5 billion into vaccine research each year.

It'd be nice if some of that money could go into aggressively combating the anti-vax loons of the world, but I won't bitch as long as lives are being saved and virii are dying.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Haiti Quake Shakes out the Kooks!

Was anyone really surprised when Dodderin' Pat "Gawd Told Me To Run Fer Pres'dent" Robertson claimed that Haiti was cursed as an "explanation" for the quake?

Sadly, I wasn't. It's the evil old bastard's only way of getting attention anymore.

Was anyone really surprised that Pigboy Limbaugh immediately jumped on the tragedy as a way to bitch about Obama?

Sadly, I wasn't. Pigboy makes his living making things political.

I'm in the wrong gawddamn line of work. These two pricks are raking in the millions.

Did you know that the earthquake was actually an American weapon, and that something went wrong? They're preparing a new test--this time in Iran. It's all linked to September 11 and the July 7, 2005 "bombing" in London [they call it a 'mock bombing']! Hugo Chavez says it's true!

Update [Feb. 9, 2010]:
In other news, John Travolta has single-handedly solved the whole Haiti problem by sending "E-Meters" and $cientology preachers...and some medics, food and water. Not like the Haitians have enough problems.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Editorial Policies

This blog will not make a distinction between the various types of creationism. So-called "intelligent design" is nothing but a euphemism for creationism, an attempt at re-branding, a political term intended to gloss over that whole "religion" thing. The only real dichotomy we see amongst creationists is the notion of old-earth (millions or billions or years) or new-earth (thousands of years): both agree that their imaginary friend did all the work. Besides, it apparently pisses off the "intelligent design" sect (like the fun-lovin' folks at the Discovery Institute) when they're called "creationists." Bonus!

Similarly, American fundamentalists have been trying over the past decade to re-brand themselves as "evangelicals." Nope: they are fundamentalists.

Any additional policies will be added to this post and tagged with "Updates."

A Teabagger Intellectual.

This is Dale.

Dale's a Teabagger.

He's what passes for an intellectual amongst his sort: he's obviously put quite a bit of thought into his sign. Such things are complicated, what with the need for eye-catching composition, the need to stay within the lines when coloring...

Love the Texas flag shirt. That just adds the right touch. Stay classy, son.

So who is the goofball who can't spell America's most frightening word? He's Dale Robertson, who used to run, a site for similarly intellectually-challenged goofballs. Nah, I'm not going to link to it. The site is the Internet face of the Tea Party Society.

Turns out goober there was given the ol' Texas-sized boot from the Society, which was apparently embarrassed by Dale's stupid sign from back in February '09.

Funny how this embarrasses their stupid asses, but not any of the hundreds of others seen across the country over the last year. I went to Google and typed in "teabagger signs" and got some choice items:

Over at Bob Cesca's blog on Crooks & Liars: Obama Has a Crisis of Competnce"

At Buzzfeed: That Teabagger Signs Say vs. What They Mean. A little Photoshop amusement.

And more of the same: Morons With Signs! Apparently Obama's the Anti-Chist!! O noes!

Nah. All the Obama-as-Hitler stuff, all the Obama-as-witchdoctor stuff, the shouting down of elected officials, the gun-toting imbeciles at Town Hall, DALE's stupid sign is where they drew the line!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Kooooook Fiiiiiiight! [/Belushi]

Don't ya love it when kooks go to war with each other? After leading those dumbass birthers around by their drooling lower lips for months, after getting them and their teabagger pals all stoked up with near-constant shovelfuls of anti-Obama fuel...

Glenn Freakin' Beck declares that the birther thing is the "Dumbest thing I've ever heard."

The birthers are trying to organize in an effort to get their voices heard on right-wing Idiot Radio.

Beckerhead smirks and smarms and says:

"I have to tell you, are you working for the Barack Obama administration?" Beck scoffed. "I mean, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

In a stunning burst of irony, on the WingNutDaily page that link goes to, right in the middle of their report on Beckerhead busting on the birthers, there's a link to WND's own line of birther merchandise:

Get the must-wear clothing item for 2010! "Where's the birth certificate" T-shirt!

Heh. They're hawking bumper stickers and yard signs, too.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Damn good reason not to vaccinate!

It harms your psychic abilities!

I was listening to Skeptics' Guide to the Universe #117, featuring QuackCast host Mark Crislip. They were dicussing myths about flu vaccination and this little tidbit was mentioned.

I put vaccination psychic powers into Google and got some 46,000 hits. A sampling: offers this advice from a Zulu shaman:

"We were told that there was a great smallpox epidemic coming to the land and all the children must be vaccinated. My grandfather used to say that the white man’s vaccination makes you blind and if you are to look after the cattle you must not go to the trading store to get your vaccination. Inspectors used to come and check each child for signs of vaccination. Our grandmother used to give us great pain in order to save our spiritual eyes. Grains of maize would be heated up and pushed against the skin of the child, and so when the schools inspectors came he saw the blisters and assumed the child had been vaccinated…and I noticed that school children in mission schools who had been vaccinated for smallpox or measles could not see spiritual entities at all. A flying saucer would fly through the sky at great speed and be seen by many men & women but the children who had been vaccinated would see nothing and I noticed this hundreds of times."

At the Psychic Women Warriors blog (warning: purple and lavender):

Wondered why vaccination is pushed to the limits? The doctors will do anything to convince you to "take the shot", if they don’t they can loose their license. In other words if they are not good sellers (because everything comes down to commerce/money/business) they might loose their license.

Vaccination damages ones auric field, modify ones DNA and block the psychic abilities we were all born with.

Hell, I'm convinced! Grab the popcorn!