Monday, May 19, 2014

Announcing the Operation American Spring Commemorative Plate!

$3.99 each at K-Mart.

It'll look awesome next to your George Bush Flightsuit Commemorative Codpiece plate!
Comes in 4 colors:

White, for the pasty pale faces who showed up.
Black, for the non-white folks who didn't.
Green, for the liberals who laughed themselves sick at the whole thing.
Red, for the faces of the "patriots" who made excuses.

Sorry, not available in coward yellow for the Internet tough guys who talked shit and didn't do shit.

Most importantly, they're blank...because nothing happened.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Operation American Spring--DAY 3: ..oh, nevermind.

See DAY 2.

Now the rationalizations begin:

Shout out to all who made Operation American Spring happen. Small or large turnout, you reflect the large heart of America. #OAS #ABeginning
@TalkRadioNews wasn't dozens u rat teeth bastards, u u sewerheads! 32M didn't show up in Egypt Day 1 #americanspring

"It doesn't matter that we predicted a huge turnout and ended up with almost no turnout."

Second place is first loser.

Still some true believers who think things are happening:

clydetheslyde ‏@clydetheslyde 6h
I wager $100 to any #TeaParty member that the MSM will not broadcast today's arrest of President Obama by #OperationAmericanSpring

Really? Arrest? Was that scheduled for Day 3?

When you've lost Tea Party Cat and LOLGOP, you're no fun anymore.


"@MatManz: Operation American Spring has all the strength in numbers of a Republican minority outreach event." 


Saturday, May 17, 2014


It is a dark time for the Republic. Although the NSA drone program has been destroyed, OAS troops have driven the Black President from his hidden base and pursued him across the city.

Evading the dreaded Hoveround Fleet, a group of freedom fighters led by General "Handsome" Joe Biden have established a new secret base in the Air and Space Museum.

The evil lord Darrel Issa, obsessed with finding Handsome Joe, has dispatched thousands of Teabillies into the far reaches of Washington, D.C. ....

Poor, poor two-term very popular Nobel Peace Prize Winner President Barack H. Obama. All he did was save General Motors, kill Osama bin Laden, get millions of people affordable health insurance, increase infrastructure spending, make a deal with Swiss banks to gain access to the records of tax cheats and criminals, establish the Consumer Protection Financial Bureau, sign an improved food safety law, helped kill "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," sign the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, expand funding for the Violence Against Women act, reverse his predecessor's horrendous torture policies, try to close the Gitmo prison (only to be stopped by Republicans and some turncoat Democrats), work to improve relations with Iran's government and encourage them to stop their nuke program, bring the troops home from Iraq, ban gifts to the Executive Branch from lobbyists, piss off every whiny Republican by being a badass and not getting into scandals (which they find scandalous!), everything else on this list here, and probably some other stuff since then.

Also, he pisses Republicans off just by being the Black Guy in the White House. They hate that soooo very much, they cry the purest, sweetest, tears of impotent rage. That shit tastes awesome with a twist of lemon.

And now...the raging horde of Operation American Spring has run President Obama out of town for the second time in a week. Ejected yet again from the White House, the poor guy has holed up in Gainesville, Virginia, at an elite invitation-only golf course instead of his regular digs on the links at Edwards Air Force Base or Fort Belvoir.

Man can't catch a break, but that's the revolution.

So, this was the second day of "Operation American Spring," which was billed as an enormous influx of millions of furious racist assholes, ignorant Teabaggers, conspiracy whackos, fundie screechers, demagoguing wingnuts, and seditious militiamen, all with Rambo complexes and daddy issues PATRIOTS!!! coming to overthrow the evil gummint they depend on for everything in their day-to-day lives.

Basically, it's been the "Made In China" Family Dollar store brand version of Occupy Wall Street with online circle-jerks instead of drum circles.

The OAS goobers have shifted from cheerleading their so-called revolution to making excuses for it, blaming Friday's early-morning rains, blaming the government for "hacking" their Twitter hashtag (bwahahahahaha!!), claiming that the whole thing had been a "false flag" operation set up by that EVIL!!!! Obama to make them look stupid, claiming that those of us mocking them were all government shills, bought and paid for.

Some of the devout took it really hard, making death threats and such when prodded.

One of the best excuses? "Us conservative folks have JOBS and can't just take the day off!" Really? You want to overthrow the government, but can't take vacation time for it?

I think I get it. Instead of that enormous influx of millions all at once, they're gonna do it a few at a time. Guerilla-style infiltration. By the end of the year, several million of them will have been to D.C.! Uh, guys? You kind of have to be there all at once, or you're just pissy, low-tipping asshole tourists, and D.C. deals with them all year round. Smithsonian's nice this time of year.

The #OperationAmericanSpring hashtag wasn't nearly as hot on Day 2. I didn't lurk on it for more than a couple of hours, myself.

...some Twitter feed:

12:50p (I slept in) [much less traffic in the #OAS thread today]

Republican Swine ?@RepublicanSwine 1h
#OperationAmericanSpring You're winded talking into a Microphone but you think you'll win a Fire-Fight with Govt.


Top Conservative Cat @TeaPartyCat
#OperationAmericanSpring demands:
12. No gay kissing on ESPN.
13. No garnishing wages for child support.

Rest here:

Joy Reid ?@JoyAnnReid 18h
Wow... #tcot is awfully quiet about #OperationAmericanSpring ... where be the patriots and Breitbart's ghost avis?

Bearded Stoner ?@beardedstoner 23h
Hard to buy your claim that liberty is dying as you freely assemble in the name of insurrection.


Trill, Baby, Trill ?@eclecticbrotha 23h
I feel for all the spouses, girlfriends and children who'll be abused tonight by the humiliated attendees of

Shoq ?@Shoq May 16
#OperationAmericanSpring was a false flag by the Obama administration to distract from the Benghazi scandal. It worked!

maria lia calvo ?@MariaLiaCalvo May 16
how did these people get to DC? via the highways maintained by the federal government they want to overthrow?


Shoq ?@Shoq May 16
"I Went To #OperationAmericanSpring And All I Found Was This Crappy Hashtag."

Matty Ice ?@MattyIceAZ May 16
Look, give #OperationAmericanSpring a break. Moving from Cliven Bundy's ranch to DC takes some time in old pick up trucks.

Imani ABL ?@AngryBlackLady May 16
"we smoke meth together." RT @wirecan: 'We stand together, we hang together.' #OperationAmericanSpring #Benghazi

Robbie Sherwood ?@RobbieSherwood May 16
#OperationAmericanSpring, or as America will remember it, "Friday."

F--- Tea Terrorists ?@ProgressiveYoda May 16
The first live image of #OperationAmericanSpring is in... and DC area Walmart declares record white sale @KC52inNC

Gen JC Xtian patriot ?@JC_Christian May 16
We'll return to ousting the OBAMUNIST USURPER and changing America forever once the rain has stopped


A 99er ?@HelpThe99ers May 16
Attention #OperationAmericanSpring: today's meeting, "Irons or Woods: Can Agenda 21 Lower Your Handicap?" has been moved to the Ballroom

A 99er ?@HelpThe99ers May 16
Attention, #OperationAmericanSpring: the 9:00 AM seminar, "FEMA Vans, UPS Vans - Know The Difference" has been moved indoors due to weather.

Jeff Fecke ?@jkfecke May 16
The folks behind #OperationAmericanSpring would like to note that there are over 300 million Americans occupying America. #murica

Gen JC Xtian patriot ?@JC_Christian May 16
It may look like there are less than a dozen of us, but that's because thev2 million others are wearing camo


Oliver Willis ?@owillis May 16
did obama resign yet? #OperationAmericanSpring

Very Serious People™ ?@TheXclass May 16
The flabby militia has arrived from Nevada to take their country back. #OperationAmericanSpring

pizzmoe ?@pizzmoe May 16
Stars, Stripes, Beer Guts, Oh,My! #OperationAmericanSpring

pizzmoe ?@pizzmoe May 16
There will be a lot of Morans.#OperationAmericanSpring #americanspring

Chuck Nellis ?@ChuckNellis May 15
I'm praying for peace & success! :) * #OperationAmericanSpring to hit D.C. to oust Obama, Biden, Boehner, Holder.

[ah, wishful thinking...]

Jeff Fecke ?@jkfecke May 15
I'm sure 30 million people will show up for #operationamericanspring. Wait, sorry - 30. 30 people.

Nacho Libtard ?@reedequalswin May 15
Pig Pen, this here's Rubber Duck, looks like we got ourselves a god damned convoy! #OperationAmericanSpring #teatards

Gadsden Flag Snake ?@GadsdenSnake May 14
Because the problem isn't the oligarchy of billionaires - It's the black guy who wants us to get health care...


Nacho Libtard ?@reedequalswin May 14
Gearing up for #OperationAmericanSpring! they'll never see us coming as we've kept it on the downlow of the interwebs

Danger ?@GunGrabCzar May 14
#OperationAmericanSpring has a right to do whatever it is that they're going to do. Just like everyone else has a right to mock them.

Support And Defend ?@SupportAnDefend May 12
Walk the Talk #OperationAmericanSpring

reasons why to join the voices and stop the tyranny against We the People #OperationAmericanSpring #PJNET

Cause of Liberty † ?@CauseOfLiberty May 11
Follow Iceland with the Iceland Solution & #AbolishTheFederalReserve -------> 


We Hate America ?@WeHateAmerica_ May 11
Good morning Patriots! & to you DOUCHEBAGS at #NSA Monitor THIS! Sincerely #WeThePeople #OperationAmericanSpring

GySgt. Chip Webber ?@yankepatriot May 11


riteprices ?@riteprices May 11
#OperationAmericanSpring #OAS2014 … U coming to DC May16th, 2014? If so, see you there,

If not, Why not?
[29,999,900 people have some explaining to do...]

Friday, May 16, 2014

Fun With Kooks: Operation American Spring

Today was the first day of the Grate Redneckistan Take Are Kountree Back!! thing, where hordes of Teabillies from across the country were going to descend upon Washington, D.C. and make Nobel Peace Prize Winner President Barack Obama step down!

It promised to be really really BIG, 10 to 30 million strong.

They did get the 10, maybe even a few hundred, but the other few million apparently had home chores, medical appointments, or other suddenly-remembered things to do at the last minute ("Well, Earl's got a van that's big enough to carry Art's Hoverround, but his wife's got him goin' to Lowes tomorrow to pick up some pottin' soil, and if Earl can't go, none of us can 'cos we ain't leavin' Art.")

I wonder if they knew Mr. Obama wasn't in town? He went to New York a few days ago.

I don't know who showed up, yet. I blew my entire afternoon watching the Twitters. No time for the blogs or news sites.

Twitter was a lot of fun! The #OperationAmericanSpring hashtag blew up. Here's a selection:

Shoq, via Twitter, at noon:
"I Went To #OperationAmericanSpring And All I Found Was This Crappy Hashtag."

Gen JC Xtian, 8am
Gen JC Xtian patriot ‏@JC_Christian
We'll return to ousting the OBAMUNIST USURPER and changing America forever once the rain has stopped #operationamericanspring

Gen JC Xtian patriot ‏@JC_Christian 7h
It may look like there are less than a dozen of us, but that's because thev2 million others are wearing camo #operationamericanspring

Debra Lynn Lazar ‏@debralynnlazar 6m
@Miller89918204 Not sure what there is to report other than "Millions Missing from Operation American Spring." #OperationAmericanSpring

 Daniel Modell ‏@dMnyc 8m
It turns out we were using the wrong hashtag! It's not #OperationAmericanSpring, it's #OperationMericanSpring. That's why no one showed up.

Buddy Goodman ‏@6buy9 17m
I just heard a guy say "if it hadn't been for Stormfront, I wouldn't have even heard about this" HAHAHAHA #OperationAmericanSpring

DickinsonForCongress ‏@VoteMike2014 22m
The @USPS runs in rain, sleet, and snow. Apparently, just need a little rain to keep #OperationAmericanSpring from happening

2 pm
Jody White @FortGeek 40m
Has Obama surrendered yet? "Bones" reruns haven't been interrupted...

Jody White @FortGeek 20m
#OperationAmericanSpring "Come And Take It!"  Looks like someone come and took it.

Jody White @FortGeek 4m
Did they know Obama wouldn't be there? Went to NYC 5/14, for 9/11 Memorial. Is he even back yet?

Jody White @FortGeek 1m
How many Hoverrounds fit in a tour bus? Asking for a friend. #OperationAmericanSpring

Jody White @FortGeek 2m
#OperationAmericanSpring Reports of lots of empty Invisible Obama showed up? Where's Clint Eastwood?

Jody White @FortGeek 9s
#OperationAmericanSpring We shouldn't mock them for hiding from the rain, folks. Mobility scooters don't like mud and rain.

Jody White @FortGeek 2m
Huh. Just noticed the FEMA camp across from my house was suddenly full. Must be from #OperationAmericanSpring

Jody White @FortGeek 2m
ATTENTION all #OperationAmericanSpring participants: The guy next to you is an NSA plant.

Jody White @FortGeek 4m
#OperationAmericanSpring (Marching on the White House) "Which one is it? Dammit, Earl, these buildin's is ALL WHITE!"

some complaints from baggers that their hashtag was "hacked"...hahahaha

Free Republic calls "false flag"

Carter Hall ‏@CarterHall_ 32m

#operationamericanspring organizers say God supports their efforts but then blame rain for lack of turnout.

Max P0W3R ‏@Max_P0VV3R 37m
Not surprised by the number of trolls paid for with American tax dollars. Obama had MONTHS 2 assemble a troll list. #OperationAmericanSpring

Cheryl ‏@HoldingOn2Stars 40m
Just wondering: If #OperationAmericanSpring is such a failure, why is it at the top of the Trending list?

[could be because of the number of people making fun of you?]

Carter Hall ‏@CarterHall_ 14m

Remember when a mob of angry white people could run a black family out of town? #operationamericanspring

Caleb R. Reeves ‏@killakief101 30m

The liberal tolerance of #OperationAmericanSpring is heartwarming #DoubleStandards

John Andrew Adams ‏@johnadams73171 33m

#OperationAmericanSpring I am amazed how so many of u claimto be tolerant but....well, thats an outright lie.

[who said we'd be "tolerant" of stupidity and hate?]

 michael ‏@michaelmark12 42m

#OperationAmericanSpring STING created by NSA CIA FBI to weed out Traitors & have them arrested

John Andrew Adams ‏@johnadams73171 45m

#OperationAmericanSpring LMFAO! You paid govt flunkies must be pretty afraid of this. Anytime you spread this much

Jody White @FortGeek 2m
#OperationAmericanSpring organizers watched end of "Princess Bride" and thought, THEY deposed the King with only 3 can we!!

Max P0W3R ‏@Max_P0VV3R 29m

It's not about the numbers that showed up, it's about the number of eyes opened. #OperationAmericanSpring

[because I'm good enough. I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!]

Yeah, I mostly grabbed my own Twitter posts. Didn't have room for several thousand more.

I've got this mental image, now, of a half-dozen wheezing goobers "marching" somewhere in D.C., headed (they hope) for the White House but lost in a maze of marble.  One of them pauses long enough to huff, "Dammit, Frank, ALL these sumbitchin' buildin's is WHITE!"