War Crimes equal Votes!

No, it's no surprise these clowns are running as Republicans, let alone that they're PROUD of the crimes they committed--and which ended their military careers.

Who cares about something like that when there are VOTES to be garnered? "Look at me, I'm gonna be tough on TERRISTS just like Jack Bauer!"

Jerk the First: Ilario Pantano is running for a seat in North Carolina 7th District, challenging Dem incumbent Mike McIntyre. In April of 2004 Mr. War Hero filled a couple of unarmed prisoners with 50 to 60 rounds. Fifty to sixty. He reloaded, boom boom. Says it was freaking SELF DEFENSE. Afterward, he put up a sign with the Marines' slogan to warn the locals: "No Better Friend, No Worse Enemy."

Nice. The wingnuts love him. They were his ardent defenders when the Army charged him with premeditated murder. The case against him was dropped in 2005 because (among other things) a witness' testimony couldn't be corroborated.

Meanwhile, Dick is so proud of himself, he's made the incident the core of his Look-At-ME!! book, titled "No Better Friend, No Worse Enemy" (creative, huh?). The wingnuts adore him. I bet Michelle "Crazy Eyes" Malkin grows weak in the knees with desire for him.

Oh, well. At least he's got actual military service, unlike ex-President "Mission Accomplished!" Fratboy.

The good news is that an actual veteran--Will Breazeale, who was Pantano's opponent in the primaries--isn't going to stop hammering home the fact that Joey Pants is kind of a douche.


Clown the Second is Allen West, whom Sarah "Caribou Barbie" Palin thinks is just peachy keen. He's running in Florida's 22nd against Democrat Ron Klein.

West was forced to resign from the Army (Lt. Colonel) & fined $5,000 for his part in a beating harsh interrogation. The man was an Iraqi cop whom West had decided knew something about an upcoming ambush. West's men did the beating asked the questions. West decided things weren't moving quickly enough and fired his gun past the man's head to scare the truth out of him. The wingnuts adore him, too.

No ambush plot was ever uncovered (there were actual investigations by actual investigators), but West probably rationalizes the matter--"I disrupted the plot and saved lots of lives!! I'm Jack Bauer!!!!1!" The wingnuts don't care about such things. He's a freaking HERO.

Yeah. In a similar vein, if I don't pass gas at least once a day, aliens will come down and destroy the world. The only proof that matters is that this has not happened.

West says he sacrificed his military career for the lives of his men. I'd say that if any of them are still serving in Iraq or Afghanistan, they're much safer without this prick in command. Here's hoping that Florida's 22nd District will keep their mildly-Democratic standing.

This little rant is only a summary; there's so much more rant-worthy material at the Daily Beasts' page about the two wingnuts.

Oil Kooks!

Something quick and easy to try to get back into writing about kooks. The database rebuild continues, the Illuminati continue to make my piece-of-crap computer crash at random, and I still hate computers.

But we're here to discuss the oil kooks who are weighing in on the recent fire and explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico.

From the far, far teabaggin' right, there's this guy, known only as "Voice" who gives us a laundry list of other conspiracies on Obama's watch as links in a nefarious chain of evil that lead to Obama needing to sabotage the oil rig!

4. NOW…there was a need for domestic OIL drilling. OBAMA had given his conclusion that some domestic OIL drilling was good for everybody. There was a backlash…in the OBAMA corner…and…it was so bad…OBAMA needed a disaster in the OIL INDUSTRY. And right on schedule…BOOM…OIL RIG in Gulf on fire and nobody KNOWS HOW it happened. It was an OIL RIG the government had issued some ‘REPAIR AND REPLACE’ directives…just…as they had done at that specific MINE.

WHAT IF…what if…OBAMA has a BLACK OPS TEAM. Certainly BUSH refused to use it as brazenly as OBAMA. Yet…the stakes are too high now. Might i very well be that OBAMA has elected to deploy the BLACKS OPS TEAMS? OBAMA is trying to impose his NANNY STATE because the opposition is growing. He knows he must secure all entitlement programs and control over as much industry before November of 2010 and November of 2012. He knows the PEOPLE are becoming aware of the YOKE AND CHOKE AGENDA of OBAMA and his vermin Hun-horde in Congress and elsewhere.

Plenty more spittle-spewin' kookness at the link! I made sure to save a copy of the page just in case those BLACK OPS TEAMS get ahold of him and send him to Gitmo. He might want to pack a suitcase. He's probably too close to THE TRUTH, since Obama's sending SWAT teams out as part of his Commie Muslim Government takeover!

Still, there's a different theory in the kookosphere that dictates a US Government blackout on The TRUTH!!!! See, Obama's BLACK OPS TEAMS didn't do it. It was the North Koreans! See, the North Koreans sailed a "cargo ship" out of "Cuba's" "Havana Harbor," out into the "Gulf of Mexico," where it dropped a super-secret "mini submarine," which "sailed" to the oil platform, "released" a pair of "incendiary torpedoes" to "set it on fire," then waited a "few days" before "sailing" under the platform and "blowing themselves the fark up." Yeah, we used a lot of scare quotes. We're simply trying to convey the appropriate amount of fear.

Why'd the North Koreans blow the platform up? Why, because it was built by SOUTH Korea. Since they're technically still at war (the South didn't sign the 1953 Armistice), this was a major coup in the ongoing battle, Komerade!

I especially dig the details in this one. Where the first guy relies on SCARY UPPER-CASE WORDS, the second tells us what make and model the sub was, what its range was, and even the military unit of those elite suicide snipers. You might ask why the 17th Sniper Corps were operating a super-secret sub.

COME ON, don't be naiive. NO ONE would expect snipers on a submarine! It's an utterly brilliant military tactic.

Besides, this information comes from Sorcha Faal, so it must be true!

Still...I wouldn't wanna be Mary Landrieu right now. Six months ago, the Senator from Louisiana--pallin' around with a BP suit, said that drillin' in the Gulf is perfectly safe! No one knew about the North Koreans.

We're still offline.

Because of an epic computer crash caused, no doubt, by the Illuminati in retribution for my mockery, or maybe some chaff from a crop circle that got into the hard drive.

I had almost 600 names and organizations in a spreadsheet, a bunch of stuff collected...I'm rebuilding in between reinstalling stuff on the damn computer and sitting on my can.

The First Rule of Fight Ministry...

...is to beat the hell out of each other to show how much ya luuuuurve Juh-HEEEzus!

See, that doesn't scan the way the Fight Club rules do. Too clumsy, like all the other attempts by religidiots to break into mainstream stuff so that they, too, will seem cool and edgy. Think "hard rock"...then think "Creed."

Metal? Stryper.

They've even tried the Death Metal scene, for fark's sake.

They could suck the cool out of a glacier. That's what's causing Global Warming!

Now, old Jimmy "Fun Lovin' " Dobson's son Ryan and others are running Extreme Martial Arts clubs in parallel with the more mundane religion schtick. They say it's intended to inject "machismo" into the apparently otherwise girly-man church scene. They're using it for outreach.

Gives me a mental image of some hard-core pricks roughing people up: "Hey. Come to my church or I'll kick your effin' ass."

I guess it'd be a logical step up from what the preacher wannabe's from Pensacola Christian College do, hanging out in front of the gay clubs downtown in search of...er...converts.

How to Smack a Fundie Kook

Make a movie about him like Chris Rodda has.

The fundie kook in question is David Barton, a wingnut asshat who claims America is a "Christian Nation (tm)" and calls for a "return" to the fundamentalism of the Founding Fathers.

Rodda gave the revisionist a copy of his book, Liars For Jesus: The Religious Right's Alternate Version of American History (awesome title!); Barton went on his own radio show and lied about Rodda and the encounter.

Yeah, I know it's unbelieveable--a lying rightie?! GTFOH!

Plenty of GOPtards have hitched themselves to Barton's wagon; Bobby "No, I'm not running for President" Jindal (the governor of Louisiana), Michelle "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann (Minnesota) and Newt "You go with the wife you want, not with the wife you have" Gingrich are just a few such goofballs who need to be booted and banned from ever holding public office again.

Chris Rodda's got the story and installments of his movie at the link above.

David Icke, Uberkook (pt. 2)

Sorry, Kook Fans, for neglecting this blog--but if kookdom is a cesspool of anti-intellectualism, my attempts amount to using a little beach shovel to take samples.

Had to put this up, though, because David Icke's name came up in a quick Google search I was doing. I put "Boxcar Willie reptillian" in and let fly.

This was the first link to come up: LIST OF FAMOUS SATANISTS, PEDOPHILES, AND MIND CONTROLLERS by David Icke. The site itself has some kook promise--and though the page itself is about 10 years out of date, it's still good for a laugh:

William F. Buckley Jr: Head of the elite JANUS mind control operation based at NATO headquarters in Belgium which trains mind-controlled psychic assassins; child killer, Satanist, shape-shifter

George Bush: US President and Vice President, head of the CIA, and a stream of other leading roles in the Illuminati. Satanist, mind controller, torturer of children and adults, pedophile, shape-shifting reptilian, and major drug runner. Serial killer. Nice man.

George W. Bush, Jr. - front-runner to be next President of the United States. Son of his father.

Henry Kissinger, former Secretary of State under Richard Nixon, and one of the Illuminati's foremost master minds of the agenda. Satanist, mind controller, child torturer, creator of wars of mass murder and destruction. Shape-shifter. Works closely with the UK's Lord Carrington.

Dick Cheney, Defense Secretary under President Bush. Satanist, torturer of children and adults. Mind controller.

Boxcar Willie, country music singer. Satanist, pedophile.

Bob Hope "comedian". Life-time asset of British Intelligence, mind-controlled slave handler, and manipulator of the "entertainment industry" on behalf of the Illuminati. The "Rat Pack", including Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Junior, and Dean Martin were all heavily involved with Hope and others in the same line of work.

Billy Graham, "Christian" hero who has been funded from the start by the top Illuminati families and operatives like the Rockefellers and newspaper tycoon, William Randolph Hearst. Satanist, involved in mind control projects, close friend of Bush and Kissinger. Bloodline of the Satanic Illuminati Frank family which created the Satanic movement known as Frankism.

Adolf Hitler, Nazi leader in Germany. Rothschild bloodline. Satanist.

There were more, but these are the good ones. And who the hell knew that Fratboy was the son of his father?

Are they done striking yet?

Back on January 20--the first anniversary of Nobel Peace Prize Winner President Obama's inauguration--all the teabaggers in the world were supposed to go on strike, intending to demolish all the Democrat-supporting companies, crushing them, rending them, and standing in front of their shops with poorly-spelled protest signs.

Yes, McDonald's, Burger King, and Taco Bell would be brought to their knees, deprived of their nighttime cleanup crews.

Wal-Mart would grind to a halt, sans greeters.

Drivers across the nation would briefly breathe easier, without a bunch of stupid blue-hairs and old farts holding things up in the passing lane or pulling into traffic without looking where they're going.


So what happened?

Nothing. Not a damn thing:

Now that the day of the strike has come, the tea partiers are nowhere to be seen. The website devoted to the project is full of questions from confused would-be strikers, and the organizer of the protest has disconnected his phone.

I spent the day dodging geriatric conservative morons just like always. Normally the 'baggers congregate in front of the local ABC-TV affiliate studios, since that's about the only way to get TeeVee coverage of their otherwise pathetic bids for attention.

Oh, well. There's always April 15th--that's the teabaggers' Halloween.