Saturday, January 30, 2010

Kook Quickie: The Lennon Conspiracy!

Who knew? The CIA was behind John Lennon's death:

Mark David Chapman was not interested in the Beatles. He lived in luxury in Hawaii with no visible means of support, spending his time buying expensive paintings. The US government to him to Beirut. The day before he hunted down Lennon he had a long meeting with the FBI in Detroit. After he shot Lennon in front of the Dakota, he froze, took out "Catcher in the Rye" by JD Salinger, and started to hypnotically rock back and forth reading the book compulsively, even though there was a subway entrance 10 feet away, and the human thing to do is to flee after committing a crime. His psychologist was the same guy controlling Sirhan Sirhan. Yoko Ono says that "They" killed John Lennon, not "He" killed John Lennon.

This, from an alt.atheism newsgroup "regular" who is known for his elaborate takes on September 11, the moon landings, alien's recently come to his attention that a pair of proper group regulars are in fact paid government plants:

to secretly infiltrate “chat rooms, online social networks, or even real-space groups” by using ostensibly “independent” credible voices, who are actually secretly in the pay of the government, to counter “conspiracy theorists” such as the 9/11 Truth movement and other “extremist” groups. They dub this program “cognitive infiltration.”

...because they have the nerve to disagree with him. Guess I'm Part Of It too, now that I've smirked at him here. Where's my paycheck, Mr. Obama?

Hero #3: Bill Gates. In your FACE, Typhoid Jenny!

As much as we all love, love, LOVE to hate Bill Gates, damning his name during the ritual of reinstalling various Windows versions and all our stuff, the Redmond Baron has done something damn cool.

He's made a $10 billion-with-a-b vaccine pledge via the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. The plan is to come up with new vaccine research and make them available to the poorest countries.

The Foundation's been putting more than $4.5 billion into vaccine research each year.

It'd be nice if some of that money could go into aggressively combating the anti-vax loons of the world, but I won't bitch as long as lives are being saved and virii are dying.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Haiti Quake Shakes out the Kooks!

Was anyone really surprised when Dodderin' Pat "Gawd Told Me To Run Fer Pres'dent" Robertson claimed that Haiti was cursed as an "explanation" for the quake?

Sadly, I wasn't. It's the evil old bastard's only way of getting attention anymore.

Was anyone really surprised that Pigboy Limbaugh immediately jumped on the tragedy as a way to bitch about Obama?

Sadly, I wasn't. Pigboy makes his living making things political.

I'm in the wrong gawddamn line of work. These two pricks are raking in the millions.

Did you know that the earthquake was actually an American weapon, and that something went wrong? They're preparing a new test--this time in Iran. It's all linked to September 11 and the July 7, 2005 "bombing" in London [they call it a 'mock bombing']! Hugo Chavez says it's true!

Update [Feb. 9, 2010]:
In other news, John Travolta has single-handedly solved the whole Haiti problem by sending "E-Meters" and $cientology preachers...and some medics, food and water. Not like the Haitians have enough problems.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Editorial Policies

This blog will not make a distinction between the various types of creationism. So-called "intelligent design" is nothing but a euphemism for creationism, an attempt at re-branding, a political term intended to gloss over that whole "religion" thing. The only real dichotomy we see amongst creationists is the notion of old-earth (millions or billions or years) or new-earth (thousands of years): both agree that their imaginary friend did all the work. Besides, it apparently pisses off the "intelligent design" sect (like the fun-lovin' folks at the Discovery Institute) when they're called "creationists." Bonus!

Similarly, American fundamentalists have been trying over the past decade to re-brand themselves as "evangelicals." Nope: they are fundamentalists.

Any additional policies will be added to this post and tagged with "Updates."

A Teabagger Intellectual.

This is Dale.

Dale's a Teabagger.

He's what passes for an intellectual amongst his sort: he's obviously put quite a bit of thought into his sign. Such things are complicated, what with the need for eye-catching composition, the need to stay within the lines when coloring...

Love the Texas flag shirt. That just adds the right touch. Stay classy, son.

So who is the goofball who can't spell America's most frightening word? He's Dale Robertson, who used to run, a site for similarly intellectually-challenged goofballs. Nah, I'm not going to link to it. The site is the Internet face of the Tea Party Society.

Turns out goober there was given the ol' Texas-sized boot from the Society, which was apparently embarrassed by Dale's stupid sign from back in February '09.

Funny how this embarrasses their stupid asses, but not any of the hundreds of others seen across the country over the last year. I went to Google and typed in "teabagger signs" and got some choice items:

Over at Bob Cesca's blog on Crooks & Liars: Obama Has a Crisis of Competnce"

At Buzzfeed: That Teabagger Signs Say vs. What They Mean. A little Photoshop amusement.

And more of the same: Morons With Signs! Apparently Obama's the Anti-Chist!! O noes!

Nah. All the Obama-as-Hitler stuff, all the Obama-as-witchdoctor stuff, the shouting down of elected officials, the gun-toting imbeciles at Town Hall, DALE's stupid sign is where they drew the line!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Kooooook Fiiiiiiight! [/Belushi]

Don't ya love it when kooks go to war with each other? After leading those dumbass birthers around by their drooling lower lips for months, after getting them and their teabagger pals all stoked up with near-constant shovelfuls of anti-Obama fuel...

Glenn Freakin' Beck declares that the birther thing is the "Dumbest thing I've ever heard."

The birthers are trying to organize in an effort to get their voices heard on right-wing Idiot Radio.

Beckerhead smirks and smarms and says:

"I have to tell you, are you working for the Barack Obama administration?" Beck scoffed. "I mean, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

In a stunning burst of irony, on the WingNutDaily page that link goes to, right in the middle of their report on Beckerhead busting on the birthers, there's a link to WND's own line of birther merchandise:

Get the must-wear clothing item for 2010! "Where's the birth certificate" T-shirt!

Heh. They're hawking bumper stickers and yard signs, too.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Damn good reason not to vaccinate!

It harms your psychic abilities!

I was listening to Skeptics' Guide to the Universe #117, featuring QuackCast host Mark Crislip. They were dicussing myths about flu vaccination and this little tidbit was mentioned.

I put vaccination psychic powers into Google and got some 46,000 hits. A sampling: offers this advice from a Zulu shaman:

"We were told that there was a great smallpox epidemic coming to the land and all the children must be vaccinated. My grandfather used to say that the white man’s vaccination makes you blind and if you are to look after the cattle you must not go to the trading store to get your vaccination. Inspectors used to come and check each child for signs of vaccination. Our grandmother used to give us great pain in order to save our spiritual eyes. Grains of maize would be heated up and pushed against the skin of the child, and so when the schools inspectors came he saw the blisters and assumed the child had been vaccinated…and I noticed that school children in mission schools who had been vaccinated for smallpox or measles could not see spiritual entities at all. A flying saucer would fly through the sky at great speed and be seen by many men & women but the children who had been vaccinated would see nothing and I noticed this hundreds of times."

At the Psychic Women Warriors blog (warning: purple and lavender):

Wondered why vaccination is pushed to the limits? The doctors will do anything to convince you to "take the shot", if they don’t they can loose their license. In other words if they are not good sellers (because everything comes down to commerce/money/business) they might loose their license.

Vaccination damages ones auric field, modify ones DNA and block the psychic abilities we were all born with.

Hell, I'm convinced! Grab the popcorn!