Saturday, May 15, 2010

War Crimes equal Votes!

No, it's no surprise these clowns are running as Republicans, let alone that they're PROUD of the crimes they committed--and which ended their military careers.

Who cares about something like that when there are VOTES to be garnered? "Look at me, I'm gonna be tough on TERRISTS just like Jack Bauer!"

Jerk the First: Ilario Pantano is running for a seat in North Carolina 7th District, challenging Dem incumbent Mike McIntyre. In April of 2004 Mr. War Hero filled a couple of unarmed prisoners with 50 to 60 rounds. Fifty to sixty. He reloaded, boom boom. Says it was freaking SELF DEFENSE. Afterward, he put up a sign with the Marines' slogan to warn the locals: "No Better Friend, No Worse Enemy."

Nice. The wingnuts love him. They were his ardent defenders when the Army charged him with premeditated murder. The case against him was dropped in 2005 because (among other things) a witness' testimony couldn't be corroborated.

Meanwhile, Dick is so proud of himself, he's made the incident the core of his Look-At-ME!! book, titled "No Better Friend, No Worse Enemy" (creative, huh?). The wingnuts adore him. I bet Michelle "Crazy Eyes" Malkin grows weak in the knees with desire for him.

Oh, well. At least he's got actual military service, unlike ex-President "Mission Accomplished!" Fratboy.

The good news is that an actual veteran--Will Breazeale, who was Pantano's opponent in the primaries--isn't going to stop hammering home the fact that Joey Pants is kind of a douche.

Clown the Second is Allen West, whom Sarah "Caribou Barbie" Palin thinks is just peachy keen. He's running in Florida's 22nd against Democrat Ron Klein.

West was forced to resign from the Army (Lt. Colonel) & fined $5,000 for his part in a beating harsh interrogation. The man was an Iraqi cop whom West had decided knew something about an upcoming ambush. West's men did the beating asked the questions. West decided things weren't moving quickly enough and fired his gun past the man's head to scare the truth out of him. The wingnuts adore him, too.

No ambush plot was ever uncovered (there were actual investigations by actual investigators), but West probably rationalizes the matter--"I disrupted the plot and saved lots of lives!! I'm Jack Bauer!!!!1!" The wingnuts don't care about such things. He's a freaking HERO.

Yeah. In a similar vein, if I don't pass gas at least once a day, aliens will come down and destroy the world. The only proof that matters is that this has not happened.

West says he sacrificed his military career for the lives of his men. I'd say that if any of them are still serving in Iraq or Afghanistan, they're much safer without this prick in command. Here's hoping that Florida's 22nd District will keep their mildly-Democratic standing.

This little rant is only a summary; there's so much more rant-worthy material at the Daily Beasts' page about the two wingnuts.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Oil Kooks!

Something quick and easy to try to get back into writing about kooks. The database rebuild continues, the Illuminati continue to make my piece-of-crap computer crash at random, and I still hate computers.

But we're here to discuss the oil kooks who are weighing in on the recent fire and explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico.

From the far, far teabaggin' right, there's this guy, known only as "Voice" who gives us a laundry list of other conspiracies on Obama's watch as links in a nefarious chain of evil that lead to Obama needing to sabotage the oil rig!
4. NOW…there was a need for domestic OIL drilling. OBAMA had given his conclusion that some domestic OIL drilling was good for everybody. There was a backlash…in the OBAMA corner…and…it was so bad…OBAMA needed a disaster in the OIL INDUSTRY. And right on schedule…BOOM…OIL RIG in Gulf on fire and nobody KNOWS HOW it happened. It was an OIL RIG the government had issued some ‘REPAIR AND REPLACE’ directives…just…as they had done at that specific MINE.

WHAT IF…what if…OBAMA has a BLACK OPS TEAM. Certainly BUSH refused to use it as brazenly as OBAMA. Yet…the stakes are too high now. Might i very well be that OBAMA has elected to deploy the BLACKS OPS TEAMS? OBAMA is trying to impose his NANNY STATE because the opposition is growing. He knows he must secure all entitlement programs and control over as much industry before November of 2010 and November of 2012. He knows the PEOPLE are becoming aware of the YOKE AND CHOKE AGENDA of OBAMA and his vermin Hun-horde in Congress and elsewhere.
Plenty more spittle-spewin' kookness at the link! I made sure to save a copy of the page just in case those BLACK OPS TEAMS get ahold of him and send him to Gitmo. He might want to pack a suitcase. He's probably too close to THE TRUTH, since Obama's sending SWAT teams out as part of his Commie Muslim Government takeover!

Still, there's a different theory in the kookosphere that dictates a US Government blackout on The TRUTH!!!! See, Obama's BLACK OPS TEAMS didn't do it. It was the North Koreans! See, the North Koreans sailed a "cargo ship" out of "Cuba's" "Havana Harbor," out into the "Gulf of Mexico," where it dropped a super-secret "mini submarine," which "sailed" to the oil platform, "released" a pair of "incendiary torpedoes" to "set it on fire," then waited a "few days" before "sailing" under the platform and "blowing themselves the fark up." Yeah, we used a lot of scare quotes. We're simply trying to convey the appropriate amount of fear.

Why'd the North Koreans blow the platform up? Why, because it was built by SOUTH Korea. Since they're technically still at war (the South didn't sign the 1953 Armistice), this was a major coup in the ongoing battle, Komerade!

I especially dig the details in this one. Where the first guy relies on SCARY UPPER-CASE WORDS, the second tells us what make and model the sub was, what its range was, and even the military unit of those elite suicide snipers. You might ask why the 17th Sniper Corps were operating a super-secret sub.

COME ON, don't be naiive. NO ONE would expect snipers on a submarine! It's an utterly brilliant military tactic.

Besides, this information comes from Sorcha Faal, so it must be true!

Still...I wouldn't wanna be Mary Landrieu right now. Six months ago, the Senator from Louisiana--pallin' around with a BP suit, said that drillin' in the Gulf is perfectly safe! No one knew about the North Koreans.